When you know it's time to fire your therapist....

I've been seeing a therapist.

For almost four years 

Hey it's NYC.  EVERYONE could use a therapist...but cut me some slack, break-ups, break-ins, shattered acting careers, life threatening illnesses..do I need to explain that I have high anxiety? That at times I feel as though there is a marching band in my chest?

My therapist was found by accident.  A co-worker referred hers to me, and her therapist wasn't available so he referred me to a therapist that I'll call Dr. X.

I had never been in therapy before so I don't really have anyone else to compare him to, but I felt very comfortable with  Dr. X .  He was smart, he listened, he was calm, he was in no way manipulative. When I first saw Dr. X I felt I was in a rut.  I had just broken up with a boyfriend, I was stuck in a dead-end job, I had just fully realized that I had abandoned my wavering acting career and I had no idea what to do with my life.  I was stuck and I knew it. 

I realize now that Dr. X was probably not a very good therapist.  We didn't delve into intense tell me about your toilet training analysis but he did help me put some things in perspective.  He also revealed to me, after about six months or so that he too had been an actor for years and had given it up...that he could relate to how I felt.

I continued to see him mostly every other week or so, sometimes once a month.  There was stretch of time where I saw him every week over the winter months because the lack of sunlight often makes me depressed.  He helped me through my break-ins.  He was also the first one to see me after one fateful Dr's appointment. 

Unfortunately there was a serious problem with Dr. X.  He seemed to have a problem keeping his schedule.  He would frequently call to cancel appointments with me, very often at the last minute.  He had babysitting issues, he had the flu, his kids had the flu, he threw his back out.. a few times we couldn't keep our appointments because he didn't have an office.  Not because he was homeless, but because he got his schedule crossed with the other psychologist who shared his office, and we had no space to meet.  Once, I showed up at his office for an appointment and we had to reschedule because his office wasn't available.

This past year something worse was happening.  I would show up at his office for a scheduled appointment and he would have scheduled someone else at the same time by mistake. 

We agreed on a system.  I would email him to confirm our appointments.  First he asked me to email him on Wed. because, he wasn't in the office on Thursdays. But a few weeks ago when I emailed him on a Wed. to confirm he didn't get the message until the next day after he had already scheduled over  my appointment.

Thursday, March 5 was a regularly scheduled appointment.  I emailed him on Thursday morning to confirm.  He didn't respond. So what was I to do?  If I don't show up, I'm responsible for the $150 fee, not the $30 co-pay.  So I had no choice, I had to show up. 

Right before I was supposed to leave there was minor crisis at the office that needed my attention.  This gave me a half an hour to get to his office across town.  If I'm late, say fifteen minutes, I lose fifteen minutes of the session.  If I miss the session entirely I have to pay the $150.  So I rush like a crazy woman to the subway station and head to his office.  When I get off the train at 23rd and Broadway there is a message on my cell phone.  Dr. X wasn't sure if we had an appointment today or not since I didn't email him (I did) and the 7pm slot wasn't available.  Maybe we can meet next week? 

Then it dawns on me... Why am I paying for a therapist when I can probably find a loser boyfriend who will stand me up for free?

A couple of emails and voice mail message later he tells me "it's best to continue this conversation in person.  Let's meet on March 12th."  I'm sorry....let me get this straight.  Dr. X screws up the schedule  for the fourth time in about six months, which understandably pisses me off and inconveniences me and now I have to PAY him to talk about it?

So I sent him an email terminating our therapy, clearly indicating our last session was XXX.  I owe him a small amount of money and I asked him to send me a bill with the amount.  I don't know the amount. Why? Because he had written the amount down in his "book" which he forgot the last time I saw him.  

...and that's why I'm done with therapy.

Comments

[Amy Wawa]

Jesus...what a whack job!

[RBD]

That sounds like a nightmare. I'm going through something similar. Not quite as extreme, but similar. Thank you for sharing your story. My therapist is also an ex-actor. He's now a "writer" and a therapist. Time for me to move on.